Mrs. Flowers' Daisy

Yes, it's been a looooong time since I've last posted. No, I haven't finished anymore chapters of my book. I'm hoping to pick up that strand again soon. For now, I've entered a writing contest or two. The most recent one I entered was a kindergarten story writing contest. Easy, right? I thought so. After all, I teach Kindergarten. I know what the kids are interested in. I know the reading level they have. Unfortunately, I misremembered the guidelines thinking that I had a whole 500 words to write a story. Wrong! I wrote a story of 450 words, then went back and checked guidelines and realized I had to cut 300 words!!! The contest only asked for a 150 word story. First rule of writing - follow the guidelines or your work is immediately disregarded. So I went back and cut, and cut, and cut, AND cut. Whew. Finally got to 150 words and couldn't believe it. It's not as rich as the original version, but when writing for beginning readers it's important to keep it short and simple. As a comparison I've included the original 450 word story with the 150 word cut. What do you think??

Version 1

The soft, warm body purred under Jo’s hand. Green eyes were bright next to the kitten’s gray fur. “Mew!” it said, and Jo smiled.

            “Mama, can we get it?” Jo asked, blue eyes pleading.

            “No cats, Jo. You know your brother is allergic to them,” said Mama.

            Jo pouted, but she knew her mama would tell her no. She always said no to cats.

            “Let’s go, Jo. We need to go to Mrs. Flowers’ house to make dinner.” Mama pulled on Jo’s hand as she led her to the car.

            Jo’s mama helped take care of Mrs. Flowers. She was an old lady who lived all by herself in a big house. Mrs. Flowers gave Jo hard candies and told her stories. Jo liked her, but she thought Mrs. Flowers was sad being all alone in a big house.

            Mrs. Flowers was sitting in a chair by the window curled up like an old, dry leaf when Jo and her mama came in.

            “Come say hello to me, Jo,” Mrs. Flowers said. Her old, green eyes crinkled at the corners when she smiled.

            Jo climbed up on Mrs. Flowers’ warm lap and gave her a hug. Soft gray hairs tickled her cheek.

            “What have you been up to today, Jo?” asked Mrs. Flowers.

            “We went to the store for groceries and there was a lady giving away kittens!” Jo said.

Mrs. Flowers laughed, but her crinkly eyes looked sad. “Kittens are fun, but they grow up to be big cats,” she said.

“I love cats,” said Jo, climbing down off Mrs. Flowers’ lap. “I want a house full of cats!”

“I like cats too,” said Mrs. Flowers. “I once had a sweet little gray kitty named Daisy. She was a good cat.”

Jo saw the happy look on Mrs. Flowers’ face as she talked about the cat she used to have. It gave her an idea.

“Be right back, Mrs. Flowers!” she said.

Jo ran to the kitchen. “Mama! Remember the kitten we saw at the store?”

Mama frowned. “Jo, I told you we can’t have any cats!”

“I know that!” said Jo. “But what if we got the kitten for Mrs. Flowers?”

Mama shook her head. “Mrs. Flowers can’t take care of a kitten all by herself, Jo.”

“I could help take care of it. Please!” Jo pleaded, her blue eyes shining.

Mama thought about it, and then she said, “It will be a lot of work, Jo. You have to come every day to help Mrs. Flowers until the kitten gets bigger.”

“I can do it!” Jo said. “And I know just what we’ll call it!” Then she ran back to tell Mrs. Flowers about her new Daisy.

Version 2

The kitten’s gray fur was soft. It had green eyes.

            “Can we get it?” Jo asked.

            “No cats,” said Mama.

            Mama always said no cats.

            “Let’s go help Mrs. Flowers,” said Mama.

            Mrs. Flowers was in a chair curled up like an old, dry leaf.

            Jo climbed on her lap. Gray hairs tickled her cheek.

            “What did you do today?” asked Mrs. Flowers.

            “We saw some kittens!” Jo said.

Mrs. Flowers green eyes looked sad. “I had a cat named Daisy.”

“I love cats,” said Jo, climbing down.

“Me too,” said Mrs. Flowers.

Jo saw the happy look on her face. She had an idea.

Jo ran to Mama. “Can we get the kitten for Mrs. Flowers?”

Mama shook her head no.

“I can help!” said Jo.

Mama said, “It’s a lot of work.”

“I can do it!” Jo said.

            She ran to tell Mrs. Flowers about her new Daisy.