Exodus

Here's another sci-fi piece I've been working on. Yes, another one from a dream I had. Still not finished with it, but will post the second half soon.

 The end was near.  I could feel it more every day.  Everyone could.  My skin felt thinner, breathing was a little more difficult, and the sky – even the air – had an unearthly orange tint.  I could see it in everyone’s eyes; fear, despair and barely tamped down hysteria.  It was as though humanity, or what was left of it, had managed to reconnect through that ancient link. We all knew everything through this link somehow, as if the coming obliteration of humankind had turned on some sensor in our brains that had previously lay dormant. Now every nerve ending could pick up the message from the universe pulsing around us like the beat of a broken conveyor belt, slapping ever slower as the broken machine loses speed.  It was as if the Milky Way itself were slowly coming unwound and spinning erratically off kilter through the stars slowly coming to rest unspooled in some forgotten corner of the universe.

            Many had already died, and those of us who were left walked aimlessly as though in a trance; butterflies with broken wings fluttering along at the whim of the wind, vainly trying to stay airborne. But even as it appeared we were going nowhere, there was a pattern to our paths; an unseen force pushing us towards the same destination. As dry leaves rattle and scrape against each other when borne on a chill fall wind, we were piling up inexorably into a forgotten corner of Earth, rustling and restless.  We were slow trails of human ants, and even as I moved forward, I wondered at our destination.

            It soon became clear. Strangely, through that ancient link we had all realized at precisely the same moment what our destination was. When the massive alien craft came into view and hovered near our location, we moved as one accord, knowing that this would be the ticket off our dying planet – a Noah’s Ark of humankind. And tickets we did receive.  Officials handed them out at a gate, and I wondered offhandedly how they came about their task. Where had they turned their resume into? Who had hired them? But more importantly, how could they decide who was a deserving ticket holder?

Mrs. Flowers' Daisy

Yes, it's been a looooong time since I've last posted. No, I haven't finished anymore chapters of my book. I'm hoping to pick up that strand again soon. For now, I've entered a writing contest or two. The most recent one I entered was a kindergarten story writing contest. Easy, right? I thought so. After all, I teach Kindergarten. I know what the kids are interested in. I know the reading level they have. Unfortunately, I misremembered the guidelines thinking that I had a whole 500 words to write a story. Wrong! I wrote a story of 450 words, then went back and checked guidelines and realized I had to cut 300 words!!! The contest only asked for a 150 word story. First rule of writing - follow the guidelines or your work is immediately disregarded. So I went back and cut, and cut, and cut, AND cut. Whew. Finally got to 150 words and couldn't believe it. It's not as rich as the original version, but when writing for beginning readers it's important to keep it short and simple. As a comparison I've included the original 450 word story with the 150 word cut. What do you think??

Version 1

The soft, warm body purred under Jo’s hand. Green eyes were bright next to the kitten’s gray fur. “Mew!” it said, and Jo smiled.

            “Mama, can we get it?” Jo asked, blue eyes pleading.

            “No cats, Jo. You know your brother is allergic to them,” said Mama.

            Jo pouted, but she knew her mama would tell her no. She always said no to cats.

            “Let’s go, Jo. We need to go to Mrs. Flowers’ house to make dinner.” Mama pulled on Jo’s hand as she led her to the car.

            Jo’s mama helped take care of Mrs. Flowers. She was an old lady who lived all by herself in a big house. Mrs. Flowers gave Jo hard candies and told her stories. Jo liked her, but she thought Mrs. Flowers was sad being all alone in a big house.

            Mrs. Flowers was sitting in a chair by the window curled up like an old, dry leaf when Jo and her mama came in.

            “Come say hello to me, Jo,” Mrs. Flowers said. Her old, green eyes crinkled at the corners when she smiled.

            Jo climbed up on Mrs. Flowers’ warm lap and gave her a hug. Soft gray hairs tickled her cheek.

            “What have you been up to today, Jo?” asked Mrs. Flowers.

            “We went to the store for groceries and there was a lady giving away kittens!” Jo said.

Mrs. Flowers laughed, but her crinkly eyes looked sad. “Kittens are fun, but they grow up to be big cats,” she said.

“I love cats,” said Jo, climbing down off Mrs. Flowers’ lap. “I want a house full of cats!”

“I like cats too,” said Mrs. Flowers. “I once had a sweet little gray kitty named Daisy. She was a good cat.”

Jo saw the happy look on Mrs. Flowers’ face as she talked about the cat she used to have. It gave her an idea.

“Be right back, Mrs. Flowers!” she said.

Jo ran to the kitchen. “Mama! Remember the kitten we saw at the store?”

Mama frowned. “Jo, I told you we can’t have any cats!”

“I know that!” said Jo. “But what if we got the kitten for Mrs. Flowers?”

Mama shook her head. “Mrs. Flowers can’t take care of a kitten all by herself, Jo.”

“I could help take care of it. Please!” Jo pleaded, her blue eyes shining.

Mama thought about it, and then she said, “It will be a lot of work, Jo. You have to come every day to help Mrs. Flowers until the kitten gets bigger.”

“I can do it!” Jo said. “And I know just what we’ll call it!” Then she ran back to tell Mrs. Flowers about her new Daisy.

Version 2

The kitten’s gray fur was soft. It had green eyes.

            “Can we get it?” Jo asked.

            “No cats,” said Mama.

            Mama always said no cats.

            “Let’s go help Mrs. Flowers,” said Mama.

            Mrs. Flowers was in a chair curled up like an old, dry leaf.

            Jo climbed on her lap. Gray hairs tickled her cheek.

            “What did you do today?” asked Mrs. Flowers.

            “We saw some kittens!” Jo said.

Mrs. Flowers green eyes looked sad. “I had a cat named Daisy.”

“I love cats,” said Jo, climbing down.

“Me too,” said Mrs. Flowers.

Jo saw the happy look on her face. She had an idea.

Jo ran to Mama. “Can we get the kitten for Mrs. Flowers?”

Mama shook her head no.

“I can help!” said Jo.

Mama said, “It’s a lot of work.”

“I can do it!” Jo said.

            She ran to tell Mrs. Flowers about her new Daisy.

Chapter 3

Hard to believe, but I've finished Chapter 3!  Now it's time to send in the first three chapters along with my outline for the rest of the book to my instructor and see what she says.  Here's to hoping I'm on the right track and there is not a lot of revision in my future!

s soon as Savannah was in sight of her house, she knew something was wrong.  Her mom’s van was parked in the driveway which was strange since her mom worked until five and didn’t get home until after that.  Stopping in front of her driveway, Savannah looked apologetically at Trudy.

            “You know, I think today might not be the best day for you to come over after all.”

            Trudy looked surprised and a little disappointed.  “Why not?”

            “Well, it’s just that my mom is home early and that never happens.  I have a feeling my brother is in trouble again.”

            “Oh.”  Trudy nodded her head in understanding.  “Well, if you want, we could meet early in the morning before school to do our homework?”

            Savannah was relieved that Trudy didn’t ask more about her brother.  And even though she knew she shouldn’t be, she was glad that Trudy still wanted to meet up with her later.  “Sure, that sounds good.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

            As Trudy headed down the street for her house, Savannah squared her shoulders, preparing for what awaited in her own. 

            When she first stepped through the door, Savannah was surprised at the quiet.  Not seeing anyone around, she thought maybe she had been wrong about her brother.  Maybe her mom had just come home sick and was sleeping?  But Savannah found that theory hard to believe.  Her brother had been in trouble at school more times than she could count in the last couple weeks, and her mom had been into the school to talk to the teacher twice already.  Not that Josh was a perfect student before her dad left.  He had his fair share of problems at school last year in Kindergarten.  But at least then her dad was here to get Josh back on track.  School just didn’t seem to be Josh’s thing.

            As Savannah passed the sliding glass door in the kitchen, she noticed movement outside.  Peering through the glass, she saw her mom and brother in the yard; her brother carrying a bucket of something that looked heavy.  He hefted the bucket with both hands and half dragged, half carried it to the back of the yard, the bucket bouncing against his legs the whole way.

            “Hey, Mom,” Savannah greeted as she came out the door.  The yard felt hot with no shade.  Even though spring had started out slow and cold, the last week had been warmer each day.  Her mom looked back at her from where she stood supervising her brother, arms crossed, and let out a huge sigh. 

            “I’m glad your home, Savannah.  I’m going to need you to take over here for a little bit.  I need to take a break in a nice dark room.”  The crease between her brows seemed deeper than usual. 

            “What happened?” Savannah asked, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer.

            “Well, your brother here decided it would be okay to tell another student he would bring ‘a real gun’ to school.  Can you believe that?”  Her mom laughed, but there was no humor behind it.

            “Why would he say that?”  Savannah was truly puzzled by this.  Her brother was a troublemaker, but he wasn’t violent.

            “Oh, I don’t know.  Something about a class pet that he wanted to play with, but another student already had.  When he asked her for it, she refused so he pretended to shoot her with his finger.  When she laughed at him, he said he’d bring a real gun.”  Her mom shrugged.  “So he was suspended for the rest of the day, and tomorrow too.  It’s silly, really.  I mean he’s in first grade.  Do they really think he would bring a gun to school?”
            Savannah agreed with her mom, but she knew it was because her dad was in the Army.  She was sure her brother’s principal assumed they had guns lying all over the house that Josh could just pick up and bring to school in his backpack, which of course wasn’t true.  Her dad did have guns, but they were all locked away and only her mom and dad knew where the keys were.

            “Josh, quit playing over there and bring that bucket back for more rocks!” her mom yelled.  She turned back to Savannah.  “I’ve decided to put him on hard labor while he’s home.  Nothing like a little sweat and tired muscles to help him remember a mistake he’ll never make again.”  She brushed a stray blonde curl out of her face and her shoulders sagged a little.  “Can you please watch him for a bit while I go in and take a break?  He just needs to keep moving rocks from this pile to the back fence.”

            Savannah nodded and watched as her mom headed back into the house, shoulders slumping. 

As soon as their mom was gone, Josh dropped the bucket and came over to Savannah, dropping to sit on the ground beside her.  He wiped his head and said, “I need a break!”

Savannah knew her mom wouldn’t want him taking breaks, but she sat down next to him anyway.  “Why’d you say that at school today, Josh?” she asked.

Josh frowned and turned his body so his back was to Savannah.  He crossed his little arms and hung his head.  “I don’t want to talk about it,” he mumbled.

Savannah came around to sit in front of him.  “You were pretty mad at that girl, huh?”

Josh looked up at her with tears in his eyes.  “She’s so mean, Savannah!  She’s always hogging Pinky and never lets anyone else hold him!”

The corner of Savannah’s mouth twitched up in a half smile.  “And Pinky is?”

Josh dashed the tears from his eyes and his face lit up.  “He’s our pet rat and he’s so cool!  We called him Pinky because he has pink eyes and this long pink tail.  It’s so soft!  Some of the kids think he’s creepy because of his eyes, but not me.  I think he’s awesome!  He even lets you hold him and he doesn’t even bite.”  Here Josh finally stopped his rapid description to take a breath, and his face fell again.  “But stupid Rosemary won’t let anyone hold him.  She’s such a boss!”

“I’m sure your teacher makes her share the rat so everyone gets a chance to hold him,” Savannah soothed.

“She tells Rosemary to share, but she never listens.  Ever since Rosemary took Pinky home last weekend she thinks he’s her rat.”  Josh’s lip jutted out and tears began filling his eyes again.

“Well, maybe your teacher will let you bring Pinky home this weekend.  Then you could hold him all you want.”  Savannah thought this idea would perk her brother up, but instead he continued to sit crossed arms and legs, pouting.

“I already asked Mom and she said no.”  Josh’s shoulders shook as a new bout of crying started.

Savannah pursed her lips.  “Well, maybe she’ll listen to me.  You’re not exactly her favorite person right now.  I’ll try asking her, okay?”

Josh’s crying quieted a little and he nodded his blond head, spiky hair unmoved by the motion.

“Okay.  Now, why don’t you get back to moving those rocks before Mom sees you sitting here?  I’ll go in and talk to her.”  Savannah retrieved the dropped bucket for her brother and watched as he started putting rocks into it before she went in to talk to her mom.

Savannah found her mom sprawled across the loveseat in the living room, feet hanging over the edge of one side and her arm thrown across her face covering her eyes.  Savannah thought maybe she was asleep because she looked so still; even breathing making her chest move up and down in a slow rhythmic way.  Her mom must have sensed her presence, and she stirred slightly, peeking from under her arm at Savannah.

“He’s still working?”  She asked this as though she were hoping she didn’t have to go back out to make him get back to work.

“Yea, he’s still working.”

“Good.”  She sighed and settled deeper into the loveseat, hiding her eyes again.

“Mom, Josh says he asked you about bringing the pet rat home for the weekend.”  Savannah started tentatively, not sure how her mom would react.  Throwing her arm off her face now, her mom hefted herself upright and looked at Savannah.

“Yes, and I told him no.  First of all, I don’t want a rat in this house.  But more importantly, I’m not going to reward him for his bad behavior.” 

“But I think it would be good for him; give him something to take his mind off Dad being gone.  He really seems to like that rat.”  Savannah knew the set of her mom’s face and expected her reasoning would not sway her mom’s decision, but it was worth a try.

“Savannah, Josh is just going to have to grow up a little quicker than he wants.  It’s time he stopped acting like a heathen because he’s mad and just accept that Dad will be gone for awhile.”  Savannah wasn’t sure her mom really believed those words.  There was little force behind them.

“I could help with the rat, and it would only be for the weekend.  Maybe it would cheer him up and help his behavior at school.  I promise you wouldn’t even have to see it.  It could stay in his room.”

At this her mom shuddered a little and her face became even more set.  “I’m sorry, Savannah, but I told your brother no and that’s the end of it.”  She stood and headed back toward the kitchen.

Savannah watched her mom leave and was angry at her.  How did she expect her to help Josh if she wouldn’t even let him do the one thing right now that seemed to cheer him up?  It was only a little rat, after all, and her mom wouldn’t even have to see it the whole weekend.  She understood that her mom wanted to punish Josh, but at the same time he also needed something positive to turn his behavior around.  Standing there in the living room by herself, Savannah crossed her arms and set her chin.  Her mom had told her to help her brother and that’s just what she would do; even if her mom didn’t like how she went about it.

Savannah walked back into the kitchen.  Her mom was busy getting dinner ready, but she was keeping an eye on Josh out the window.  Savannah passed her and headed out the sliding glass door to the back yard.  As she headed over to her brother, lugging another heavy bucket of rocks, she could feel her mom’s eyes on her back. 

“Keep going, Josh.  Mom’s watching.”  He glanced over his shoulder and his little brows creased in a frown. 

“What did she say about Pinky?”  He looked at Savannah hopefully, sweat running down both sides of his face into his ears.

“She said no.”  Savannah saw his shoulders droop and he looked like he would drop the bucket and start crying again.  “But don’t worry.  I’ve got another plan.  Tell your teacher that you can bring Pinky home this weekend.  I’ll stop by your school Friday to help you bring it home.  We’ll hide it in the shed out here in the yard.  Mom will never know.”  She said this all quickly, before she could change her mind.  Josh’s face brightened, but there was uncertainty in his eyes.

“Are you sure, Savannah?  Mom’s already mad at me and I don’t want to haul rocks for the next week because she finds out I brought Pinky home anyway.”

“Like I said, Josh, don’t worry.  I’ve got this.  If Mom finds out I’ll take the blame.  But she won’t find out anyway.”  Savannah wasn’t sure she really had this, but she wanted to help her brother and she knew it was the right thing to do when she saw his shoulders relax and the first real smile come across his face that she seen in a while.  “Now, get back to work.  No reason to make Mom suspicious.”  Josh nodded quickly and went back to hefting the heavy bucket of rocks to the fence.

Savannah turned back toward the house and saw her mom watching them.  She wasn’t sure this plan would really work, but it was only for the weekend after all.  And maybe it would help Josh turn his behavior around.  Still, Savannah couldn’t help feeling a sense of dread as she headed toward the house, her mom watching the whole time.