Exodus

Here's another sci-fi piece I've been working on. Yes, another one from a dream I had. Still not finished with it, but will post the second half soon.

 The end was near.  I could feel it more every day.  Everyone could.  My skin felt thinner, breathing was a little more difficult, and the sky – even the air – had an unearthly orange tint.  I could see it in everyone’s eyes; fear, despair and barely tamped down hysteria.  It was as though humanity, or what was left of it, had managed to reconnect through that ancient link. We all knew everything through this link somehow, as if the coming obliteration of humankind had turned on some sensor in our brains that had previously lay dormant. Now every nerve ending could pick up the message from the universe pulsing around us like the beat of a broken conveyor belt, slapping ever slower as the broken machine loses speed.  It was as if the Milky Way itself were slowly coming unwound and spinning erratically off kilter through the stars slowly coming to rest unspooled in some forgotten corner of the universe.

            Many had already died, and those of us who were left walked aimlessly as though in a trance; butterflies with broken wings fluttering along at the whim of the wind, vainly trying to stay airborne. But even as it appeared we were going nowhere, there was a pattern to our paths; an unseen force pushing us towards the same destination. As dry leaves rattle and scrape against each other when borne on a chill fall wind, we were piling up inexorably into a forgotten corner of Earth, rustling and restless.  We were slow trails of human ants, and even as I moved forward, I wondered at our destination.

            It soon became clear. Strangely, through that ancient link we had all realized at precisely the same moment what our destination was. When the massive alien craft came into view and hovered near our location, we moved as one accord, knowing that this would be the ticket off our dying planet – a Noah’s Ark of humankind. And tickets we did receive.  Officials handed them out at a gate, and I wondered offhandedly how they came about their task. Where had they turned their resume into? Who had hired them? But more importantly, how could they decide who was a deserving ticket holder?

Mrs. Flowers' Daisy

Yes, it's been a looooong time since I've last posted. No, I haven't finished anymore chapters of my book. I'm hoping to pick up that strand again soon. For now, I've entered a writing contest or two. The most recent one I entered was a kindergarten story writing contest. Easy, right? I thought so. After all, I teach Kindergarten. I know what the kids are interested in. I know the reading level they have. Unfortunately, I misremembered the guidelines thinking that I had a whole 500 words to write a story. Wrong! I wrote a story of 450 words, then went back and checked guidelines and realized I had to cut 300 words!!! The contest only asked for a 150 word story. First rule of writing - follow the guidelines or your work is immediately disregarded. So I went back and cut, and cut, and cut, AND cut. Whew. Finally got to 150 words and couldn't believe it. It's not as rich as the original version, but when writing for beginning readers it's important to keep it short and simple. As a comparison I've included the original 450 word story with the 150 word cut. What do you think??

Version 1

The soft, warm body purred under Jo’s hand. Green eyes were bright next to the kitten’s gray fur. “Mew!” it said, and Jo smiled.

            “Mama, can we get it?” Jo asked, blue eyes pleading.

            “No cats, Jo. You know your brother is allergic to them,” said Mama.

            Jo pouted, but she knew her mama would tell her no. She always said no to cats.

            “Let’s go, Jo. We need to go to Mrs. Flowers’ house to make dinner.” Mama pulled on Jo’s hand as she led her to the car.

            Jo’s mama helped take care of Mrs. Flowers. She was an old lady who lived all by herself in a big house. Mrs. Flowers gave Jo hard candies and told her stories. Jo liked her, but she thought Mrs. Flowers was sad being all alone in a big house.

            Mrs. Flowers was sitting in a chair by the window curled up like an old, dry leaf when Jo and her mama came in.

            “Come say hello to me, Jo,” Mrs. Flowers said. Her old, green eyes crinkled at the corners when she smiled.

            Jo climbed up on Mrs. Flowers’ warm lap and gave her a hug. Soft gray hairs tickled her cheek.

            “What have you been up to today, Jo?” asked Mrs. Flowers.

            “We went to the store for groceries and there was a lady giving away kittens!” Jo said.

Mrs. Flowers laughed, but her crinkly eyes looked sad. “Kittens are fun, but they grow up to be big cats,” she said.

“I love cats,” said Jo, climbing down off Mrs. Flowers’ lap. “I want a house full of cats!”

“I like cats too,” said Mrs. Flowers. “I once had a sweet little gray kitty named Daisy. She was a good cat.”

Jo saw the happy look on Mrs. Flowers’ face as she talked about the cat she used to have. It gave her an idea.

“Be right back, Mrs. Flowers!” she said.

Jo ran to the kitchen. “Mama! Remember the kitten we saw at the store?”

Mama frowned. “Jo, I told you we can’t have any cats!”

“I know that!” said Jo. “But what if we got the kitten for Mrs. Flowers?”

Mama shook her head. “Mrs. Flowers can’t take care of a kitten all by herself, Jo.”

“I could help take care of it. Please!” Jo pleaded, her blue eyes shining.

Mama thought about it, and then she said, “It will be a lot of work, Jo. You have to come every day to help Mrs. Flowers until the kitten gets bigger.”

“I can do it!” Jo said. “And I know just what we’ll call it!” Then she ran back to tell Mrs. Flowers about her new Daisy.

Version 2

The kitten’s gray fur was soft. It had green eyes.

            “Can we get it?” Jo asked.

            “No cats,” said Mama.

            Mama always said no cats.

            “Let’s go help Mrs. Flowers,” said Mama.

            Mrs. Flowers was in a chair curled up like an old, dry leaf.

            Jo climbed on her lap. Gray hairs tickled her cheek.

            “What did you do today?” asked Mrs. Flowers.

            “We saw some kittens!” Jo said.

Mrs. Flowers green eyes looked sad. “I had a cat named Daisy.”

“I love cats,” said Jo, climbing down.

“Me too,” said Mrs. Flowers.

Jo saw the happy look on her face. She had an idea.

Jo ran to Mama. “Can we get the kitten for Mrs. Flowers?”

Mama shook her head no.

“I can help!” said Jo.

Mama said, “It’s a lot of work.”

“I can do it!” Jo said.

            She ran to tell Mrs. Flowers about her new Daisy.