As much as I love my WIP, it is starting to feel a little stale. After all, I've been working on it pretty much non-stop for a few years now. I'm feeling the itch to start something new, but I'm afraid I won't be able to give the attention necessary to a new piece while I'm still fussing over my current WIP. Besides that, I think subconsciously I have myself convinced that I'll never be able to write another story anyway. Surely it was pure luck that got the last 34,000 words down, right??
The thing is, I've had another character and story in my head for a couple years. His name is Andy, and he's autistic as well as non-verbal. Andy grew out of my experience working with a non-verbal autistic child in my kindergarten classroom a few years ago. That was a challenging year for me and the student as we tried to negotiate meaning. That created lots of frustration for my "Andy" which lead to episodes of flight from the room and sometimes violent behavior.
But "Andy" intrigued me. How many words did he have bottled up inside? How many stories could he tell? What could we learn from him? I decided to try writing from his perspective one day. It was difficult for me to give him an authentic voice - one that I knew was deep inside him aching to come out. Below was my first attempt. Let me know your thoughts on the authenticity of his voice. I think it's time to explore his story again.
“… went to the zoo on
Saturday…”
“Are you going to…”
“…tried all those things but
nothing has worked so far…”
“…basketball practice…”
“…new book…”
There.
That’s something to focus on. I turn my head to find the source of the voice as
the others buzz inside my ears. Books. That’s something worth listening to. I
fight off the droning noise, trying to ignore the smells of cinnamon rolls,
mint Chap Stick, wet carpet – bright lights from above humming almost as loudly
as the air conditioner, and making me squint. Finally, I zero in as sights, sounds
and smells continuing to bombard me. Those girls by the library door – they’re
the ones talking about a book. The
library is my favorite place! I break free from Mom’s hand to run to the
library.
The
girls in front of me fill my vision more and more until I’m within steps of
them. They see me, and their faces change. Their conversation stops. The girl
with the book jumps away from me, but I want to see the new book she’s talking
about. I grab at the book in her hand. She surrenders it to me immediately and
I open the cover, flipping wildly through the pages. Words flood my vision, but
calm suffuses my head. The noises subside and the words on the page are all I
can hear. I feel a hand on my shoulder.
“Andy, you can’t take books from people. Give it back to her,” Mom says.
I
continue flipping through the pages as fast as I can, feeling more than reading
the words. Then Mom’s hand is on the book. She pulls it from me before I can
reach the end. Keening bubbles up from my belly and escapes from my throat to fill the hallway. My empty
hand slaps her arm, but I barely feel the contact. Mom quickly gives the book
back to the girl and turns to grab my hands, both of them slapping at her now.
“Andy,
gentle hands. That hurts me,” she says with a calm voice, but her body is tense
and ready for my next blows.
A loud ringing noise fills my head and I fall to
my knees covering my ears in a useless attempt to keep the noise out. My hands
itch to strike at something, but the noise is everywhere and I need my hands to
protect my ears. Finally the noise stops. Slowly I pull my hands from my ears,
unclench my jaw and open my eyes to the school hallway. It’s empty now, the
bell signaling the start of class. Now all I hear are the fluorescent lights,
murmuring voices from the library and my own breathing. Footsteps advance, and I turn to see my teacher.
“Andy,
looks like you’re having a rough start today.” Mrs. Morgan holds out her hand.
“Come on; let’s go do your morning check in.”
I lay there on my back patting my
feet on the floor in a rhythm - patPAT, patPAT, patPAT – one foot hitting the
floor a little harder than the other one.
Mrs.
Morgan bends down next to me. “Let’s go, Andy. I’ve got some new books for you
to look at in the sensory room.”
That
gets my attention. I roll over onto my knees and jump up, sprinting down the
hall to the sensory room, almost running into another student that’s coming
around the corner at the end of the hall. But then, WAIT. I stop short in front
of the boy and peer at his shirt. It has minions on it. I tug the shirt this
way and that trying to see the picture better. I touch the word “BANANA” on the
shirt.
“Banana!”
I yell, and then grunt. Grunting feels good. Minions make me feel good. Words
feel good. I poke the shirt and yell again, “Banana!” The boy starts to back
away from me, but I want to look at his shirt a little longer.
Then
Mrs. Morgan is standing between the minion shirt and me. I slap at her big
stomach. “Banana!” I yell, trying to make her understand.
She
grabs my hands. “Gentle hands, Andy. Let’s go to the sensory room now.”
I slap her again in protest, but then she
takes my hand and pulls me toward the sensory room door. My free hand slaps at her
all the way into the room where she finally releases me.
“Banana!”
I yell and run to my safe spot, hiding under a table and pulling my minion
blanket over my head. Darkness covers me but I can still hear
the buzzing of the fluorescent lights above. I grab the earmuffs from the
corner of my safe place and pull them firmly over my ears. Finally, quiet
ensues.
Laying
like this in the dark, with the sound of the other world blocked out, I can
hear the world in my head. My mind repeats the words to me from the new book
that I took from the girl in the hall. My body begins to relax and I feel calm
again.
Soon, I
feel calm enough again to come out of my safe place into the outside world,
leaving the world in my head behind for a while. It’s hard to exist in two
worlds, but I’m slowly learning how to do it.
For a
long time, there was only the world in my head. Then, one day Mom brought me to
this place she calls “school”. I’ve read about school, but this place doesn’t match what I imagined. Since I’ve been to “school”, I haven’t learned anything, I don’t sit at
desks, I don’t eat in the cafeteria with the other students. Although, I’m glad
for that because the noise interrupts my concentration. I’ve been on the
playground, but there are too many things happening at once – colors, voices,
moving people. I’ve decided that “school” is for the outside world while school is the idea in my head.