Illumination (The beginning)

This story came to me in a dream last night.  It was a terrifying dream, and one that I woke up from feeling scared and out of place.  My skin literally prickled from fear when I woke up.  As I laid there in the dark reassuring myself it was only a dream, I started to think back over it and couldn't believe how much like a story it had been.  It was, in fact, a great sci-fi type story.  As I lay there drifting in and out of sleep and bits of the dream came back to me, I even had a title occur to me - Illumination.  While this story won't be nearly as scary on paper as it was to me in my dream, I've decided to go ahead and write it out; capture it as best I can, despite the fact that I've never written science fiction and never even really enjoyed reading it.  This is only part of the story, but this part came very quickly to me.  Rarely do my fingers fly over the keyboard as they did for this story!  This part of the story is much more clear to me, so I'm saving the second half for tomorrow or later this week so I can have time to think out what the details were.  More to come soon...

 






 t was dark and heavy in the room.  I could feel it even as I approached it.  The room seemed like a black hole where no light or object or feeling could escape if it got too close.  I stepped across the threshold and felt the tightness around my throat begin.  Pressure behind my eyes and in my head gave me the impression that I was deep under water.  Two more steps in the door and I could no longer breathe.  The tightness around my neck and in my head was suffocating.  No air could escape my throat to scream or make any sound at all.  The sound in my ears deadened and I felt more than heard a strange humming throughout my whole body.  My limbs were heavy and it took all my effort to move further into the room as though I were a magnet being repelled by the matching pole of another giant magnet.  Finally I could take no more.  The strangling feeling around my throat and pressure in my head forced me to back out of the room.  Sound returned to my ears, my limbs could move again and I was able to breathe freely once more. 

Sighing heavily, I hugged my arms around my chest to comfort myself and turned from the black hole room.  The room had always drawn me to it, and created fear in me at the same time.  Haunting memories in bits and pieces would sometimes return to me of spending time in that room with someone else.  But those memories were so fleeting that I could never fully grasp the images. 

Walking away from the pulsing darkness of the room I moved into a larger, more open room, dimly lit.  Darkness seemed to be everywhere in this strange place I lived, but it was all I’d ever known.  Or at least that’s what it seemed like.  An attendant stood behind a counter on the far side of the cave-like, domed room.  She busied herself cleaning the surface and putting dishes away.  This attendant was one of many that worked the counter.  I knew them all well, and yet did not know them at the same time.  Memories pushed at the back of my eyes, straining to be seen.  At once I knew there had been more to my life than this, but almost instantly the push of recollection ceased.  Frustrated, I frowned and moved to sit at the counter.  The attendant turned to me and smiled. 

“I saved some sandwiches for you if you’re hungry.” 

“Thanks,” I replied. 

She stopped her cleaning and turned to face me fully.  “He’ll call today, I’m sure of it.” 

I attempted a smile and met her eyes with a look of hope and despair all mixed together.  Just then, the phone at the far end of the counter began ringing.  The attendant smiled at me and crossed to retrieve the phone.  Without answering it, she passed it to me. 

“Hello?” I waited for the familiar voice on the other end of the line that I hoped to hear.  Yet, I couldn’t picture any face to go with the voice and that troubling thought made my brow crease. 

“I know you were hoping for a different call, but I wanted to let you know that he said to tell you not to worry and that he will call soon.”  The despair in my chest rose until it swelled in a mighty tidal wave over the hope that remained.  This voice was not the one I had wanted to hear. 

“You said that last time.  He said he would call soon.”  I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice, not sure why I was so disappointed when I wasn’t even certain who it was that I hoped to hear from. 

It had always been like this.  There had always been two callers:  Him #1 and Him #2.  Without knowing who he was, Him #1 felt like a father to me, albeit an absent one.  Him #2 on the other hand was much more.  He was my everything, and yet I knew him not at all.  The calls from the Hims were the only things to sustain me in this dark and lonely place. 

“I know.”  Him #1’s voice soothed from the telephone receiver.  “I promise.  He will call next time.  He’s been busy and knows it must be hard for you.” 

Something like a choked laugh escaped my throat.  For a moment I felt as though I were back in the black hole room.  “I don’t think he knows anything about me at all.”  My voice dripped like poison darts that I hoped would reach all the way across the line and pierce the heart of the unknown man who spoke to me.  The disappointment of another missed call was almost more than I could take in this dark and suffocating place.  Blinking back tears, I let my eyes roam the room.  The walls were blank and dark, just like my mind. 

“Of course he knows you.  He knows you better than anyone.”  Him #1 soothed.  “Be patient.”  And with that the line went dead just like the last sparkle of hope in my chest. 

Numbly, I replaced the phone to its cradle.  Turning back to the counter, all I found was a sandwich.  The attendant had left, leaving me alone again.