I suppose that's why I'm incorporating diary entries for my character, Savannah, in the MG story I'm writing. The problem is, she's writing about much deeper things than I ever would have. In her defense, she's an Army kid whose dad is deployed to Iraq. Kids nowadays deal with trauma with much more frequency than my generation did. So, my question is, can my MG character use her diary a bit more maturely than characters might have in books published before now?
I'm in a really wonderful online critique group. Those ladies help me see and think about things in my book that I wouldn't have. But one thing they mention a lot is that Savannah's diary entries are too long and formal. If you have a minute, take a read of a couple of her entries I haven't been able to use (but would love to incorporate somehow) and give me your opinion.
Diary,
I'm starting to realize that my life is very different from other people. That should be obvious, but it wasn't to me. I've never known anything different than a dad in fatigues that's gone sometimes. But mostly he's just gone for training, not war. Kids with two parents that have normal jobs and don't have to move every couple years don't even know how good they have it. Sometimes I'm afraid to have friends over because they'll finally see what a weirdo my family is from planet Army. Maybe it's this move that's made me see the differences now. It's like my family is my favorite, most comfortable sweater that suddenly becomes itchy, hot and the ugliest shade of orange when I show it to others. But Trudy is different. She and I have matching sweaters!
Diary,
Is it weird that I'm never upset to move? All my friends cry when I leave but I don't feel like crying at all. Maybe I like moving. Or maybe I never get attached enough to friends to cry over leaving. For me, going to a new place is like starting in a fresh journal. There are no mistakes and endless possibilities.
Opinions? I would like to point out that Savannah sounds much more informal and "kid-like" in her dialogue with other characters. But writing is prone to be more formal than speech, so I think that's why she comes off more mature in her diary entries. Granted, Savannah's grown up a little faster than other kids her age because of her life circumstances. In the end, I want kids to connect with her the same as any author. Which brings me to another dilemma - should Savannah be blogging these entries instead of writing them in a journal? Aaargh! The endless challenges!!
People do use more formal speech for writing, so the only thing that caught me up (as perhaps not being a kid's voice) in the slightest way was the phrase "a dad in fatigues," because I was looking for something a mature writer would say. I read Anne Frank's diary a few months ago, and granted it was a translation, but she sounded amazingly mature for 13, more so than this. How old is Savannah? My 12 year old would write journal entries like Savannah (and would have at 11). And in a notebook or journal. I don't know any of her friends that blog or have much of an online presence yet...but even so, paper is less likely to get out into the world than a blog, if you have truly private thoughts you want to get down. My daughter loves pretty notebooks and would love one with a lock I'm sure. Looks good to me! Darlene
ReplyDeleteThanks, Darlene! It's good to get another perspective. And I agree that 11 or 12 year olds won't be blogging online. My daughter had a drawing/writing notebook when she was that age as well.
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